Force myself out of bed.
Go to church.
Once at church the vases were always placed perfectly at the alter filled with long stem roses or pink carnations. I knew what was coming and I would wring my hands and fidget while I waited. Recognition.
"All the Mother's in the House of the Lord today, please stand and let us love on you."
(This is to be read in your sweetest, most pastoral voice!)
I sat there. Just standing up was never enough...no, no...we then went into the special recognition. The oldest mother in the house, then the youngest and then the expecting. And I sat there. I had nothing to offer this day of celebration and honestly, I was so emotionally exhausted that I had very little to give.
I wanted to take time and write you who are struggling with the all consuming desire to be a mother. You are on my heart! I am well aware that the day is fast approaching that women everywhere will be celebrated, except for you. Do not allow the enemy to drown you out with isolation. I want you to know that you are not alone! There are millions...last time I checked the statistical the number sat at 6.1 MILLION...of you...us!
Do not doubt for one moment that God has you exactly where you are, waiting... for a reason. He is teaching. He is perfecting. Perhaps He is sifting, but He is there with you.
My prayer for you is that your sights are not set on the tangible miracle of motherhood. My prayer is that you will set your eyes on Jesus and allow him to perform His work of perfected love in you. Perhaps you will conceive and I deeply pray that you do. Maybe the plan of the Lord is for you to expand your home through the gift of adoption. Or maybe, God is calling you out, leading you to a life of contentment and freedom to work with and serve children around the world...or in your back yard. My point is this, Mrs. Lovely...God has a plan for you. It is perfect in His season and in His timing. While you may be tormented and muddling your way through this journey HE is with you. He is guiding your decisions. He is lining out your answers and if you sit still and calm that hurting heart you can feel His peace and presence wash over you.
So, Mother's Day is coming. What is the infertile wife, daughter, sister and friend to do? You focus your heart on the Healer. You cry out to him and declare the desires of your heart. You stand on his promise that no weapon formed against you will prosper and you believe.
Celebrate the gift of your Mother. If she is still with you and in good health, praise God for his goodness, ask her to share with you a new nugget of wisdom. If your Mother has gone to be with the Lord, then celebrate the legacy that she left for you. Above all, worship your Creator. He knit you together and he did so perfectly. You are his masterful creation and more than anything His desire is to see your heart completely rendered toward Him.
Infertility is a journey that others find hard to understand. Pastors, family and friends see the absence of children but they always underestimate the level of your pain. Press in my sisters. I am here and praying for you on this upcoming day...I know first hand the level of your need. You are loved. You are not alone. You were perfectly created for your journey. Trust the One who has your plans, they are good, you have hope and a future.